Within Measure · What the sheets say
Within Measure · consent-sheet.com
Two people each fill in a boundary sheet before they start, then swap. No account, no phone number.
Day two, and more than a hundred sheets have come in. Thank you to everyone who spent twenty-odd minutes on this, and especially to those who took the "No" column seriously.
Data as of 2026-07-29: 116 submissions, which after dropping superseded rewrites come to 83 people — 50 on the receiving side, 32 on the active side. Where one person filled in more than once, only their latest sheet counts. One person, one vote.
This report contains aggregate numbers only. No individual sheet, no nicknames, no WeChat names, none of the free-text answers, and no cross-question combinations at the individual level. You cannot see who here — only how many.
Where these numbers come from
Within Measure is a boundary sheet you use before you start: two people fill one in separately, swap, and compare three things — what you both accept, either side's hard limits, and what needs talking through. The receiving side's sheet asks what they can accept and when things must stop; the active side's asks what they can do, how they usually work, and what they themselves are unwilling to do.
Every item is marked Want / OK / Curious / (unmarked =) No — on the active side's sheet, Often / Can / Curious / (unmarked =) Won't do. Every percentage below is counted out of those marks.
This report is not a judgement of anyone, and there are no correct answers. Marking more is not better; marking less is not prudish.
How to read this
On the four-level scales, anything left unmarked counts as No / Won't do. So every figure below uses the honest denominator:
| Measure | Definition |
|---|---|
| Want rate / Often rate | "Want" or "Often" ÷ people who answered |
| Accept rate / Can-provide rate | (Want + OK + Curious) ÷ people who answered |
| True refusal rate | (explicit No + unmarked) ÷ people who answered |
| Net | Want rate − true refusal rate |
A net near zero does not always mean "everyone's fine with it." It can also be two groups with opposite views cancelling each other out. Where that happens, this report says so.
Check the sample size first. 50 people on the receiving side, of whom 36 entered the penetration section; only 32 on the active side, of whom 22 answered the corresponding section, 20 its hygiene question and 29 the final three. At n=22 a single person is 4.5 percentage points — small samples tell you a direction, never a difference.
Two sentences
What the receiving side wants is a structured exchange of power, not high-intensity pain.
On the active side the capability and the willingness are both ample; the weak spot is not what they can do but how well they read a person. Self-rated recognition of danger signs is broadly low, and the receiving side has handed over a great deal of in-the-moment judgement.
1. Who these two groups are
| Receiving side (50) | Active side (32) | |
|---|---|---|
| Sex | Female 88% · Male 12% | Male 88% · Female 13% |
| Age | 18–24: 68% · 25–29: 22% · 30–34: 8% · 35–39: 2% | 18–24: 31% · 25–29: 31% · 30–34: 13% · 35–39: 19% · 40+: 6% |
| Experience | With a professional 32% · Long-term D/s 28% · Light play with a partner 24% · Only on my own 14% · None at all 8% | Over five years 41% · Two to five years 28% · Six months to two years 16% · Under six months 6% · Never actually done it 9% |
On the receiving side, 64% are single, 24% have a steady partner, 8% are in a D/s relationship, and 92% have hands-on experience of some kind.
Where the active side's experience comes from (multiple choice): self-taught 84%, working it out with a partner over time 66%, taught in person by someone experienced 28%, a workshop or training 22%, public scenes 13%.
More than eight in ten learned this on their own, and fewer than three in ten have ever been taught in person. That means their standards have rarely been calibrated by anyone outside. Read the next section with that in mind.
2. The active side's self-assessment
Which of these danger signs are you confident you'd recognise on the spot? (multiple choice, 32)
| Sign | Confident |
|---|---|
| Skin about to break | 78% |
| A haematoma forming | 72% |
| Signs of nerve compression | 63% |
| Hyperventilation | 63% |
| Emotional loss of control vs. a genuine request to stop (as against play-acting) | 59% |
| The onset of a pain faint | 56% |
| Dissociation | 56% |
| Circulation cut off by a position | 56% |
| None of these — I'm not confident | 6% |
The eight items average 63%. The three lowest are the onset of a pain faint, dissociation, and circulation cut off by a position, at 56% each. What those three have in common is that they cause real injury and the window is short.
"Telling a genuine request to stop from play-acting" sits at 59%, meaning four in ten are not confident they can tell the difference in the moment. Put that beside the receiving side's answers (section 8) and it is the single most important thing in this data.
3. What the receiving side is after
What you'd like to experience now (multiple choice, 50)
| Option | Share |
|---|---|
| Discipline and punishment | 62% |
| The pain itself | 56% |
| Emotional connection | 52% |
| Light warm-up only | 36% |
| Role-play | 12% |
Preferred style, side by side:
| Style | Receiving | Active |
|---|---|---|
| Gentle: thorough warm-up, unhurried pace, reassurance throughout | 64% | 75% |
| Disciplinary: rules, counting, calling out numbers, penalties | 60% | 56% |
| Humiliation: verbal, required postures, rules of address | 56% | 63% |
| Heavy: high intensity, close to the limit | 30% | 28% |
| Plain: mostly technique and how implements feel, minimal emotional exchange | 22% | 44% |
Gentle comes first on both sides, and Heavy sits around 30% on both — the two sides broadly agree on what this activity is.
The one clear divergence is Plain: 44% on the active side against 22% on the receiving side, exactly double. Twice as many tops understand this as "mostly technique and how implements feel, with as little emotional exchange as possible," while 84% of bottoms need to be held afterwards and 82% need to talk it through.
The gap between "the pain itself 56%" and "Heavy only 30%" persists. The questionnaire spells out the difference: under Disciplinary, "the pain serves the structure rather than being the point." Wanting it to hurt and wanting hurt to be the purpose are two different things. This is the easiest thing on the whole sheet to get wrong.
4. Intensity
| Pain tolerance, self-rated (receiving side) | Share |
|---|---|
| Low — a slight sting and I need to stop | 8% |
| Lowish — nothing hard enough to leave clear marks | 18% |
| Medium — I can take real pain, with breaks | 58% |
| Highish — I can take sustained harder strikes | 14% |
| High — I want to go near my limit | 2% |
| How intensity should build (receiving) | Share | Warm-up habit (active) | Share | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Thorough warm-up, light to hard | 54% | Always start at the lightest, warm up fully | 66% | |
| Leave it to them, I'll give feedback | 26% | Depends on how they are; usually warm up | 28% | |
| Brief warm-up, then medium | 16% | With someone I know well I may skip it | 3% | |
| Can go to high intensity fairly fast | 4% | I don't particularly warm up | 3% |
Stack three numbers — Heavy 30%, tolerance medium-or-below 84%, thorough warm-up required 54%. Intensity is the last dimension anyone should be gambling on with this group.
Warm-up itself matches well: 54% of the receiving side require it, 66% of the active side do it every time.
How often the active side checks in: between every set 47%; when changing implement or intensity 25%; roughly every 5–10 minutes 9%; by watching, without asking out loud, 19%.
That last 19% relies on exactly the abilities rated lowest in section 2.
5. Implements
| Implement | Rec. want | Rec. accept | Rec. refuse | Act. often | Act. can provide |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Hand | 86% | 98% | 2% | 91% | 97% |
| Solid leather paddle | 48% | 82% | 18% | 50% | 88% |
| Wooden paddle | 42% | 88% | 12% | 59% | 91% |
| Folded belt | 42% | 88% | 12% | 22% | 69% |
| Flogger | 28% | 70% | 30% | 41% | 81% |
| Ruler or rod | 20% | 70% | 30% | 50% | 81% |
| Bamboo cane | 20% | 68% | 32% | 25% | 69% |
| Cane | 18% | 74% | 26% | 38% | 75% |
| Wooden spoon, spatula and the like | 18% | 46% | 54% | 9% | 50% |
| Rope flogger | 16% | 64% | 36% | 16% | 47% |
| Holed or studded paddle | 14% | 60% | 40% | 13% | 56% |
| Narrow strap | 12% | 72% | 28% | 9% | 59% |
| Riding crop | 12% | 70% | 30% | 13% | 63% |
| Single-tail whip | 12% | 62% | 38% | 16% | 50% |
| Bristle hairbrush or comb back | 12% | 56% | 44% | 6% | 50% |
| Improvised objects to hand | 4% | 32% | 68% | 6% | 25% |
The hand is the only consensus item (net +84), and it sits 54 points clear of the next tier. That tier is a three-way tie — solid leather paddle, wooden paddle, folded belt (net +30 each) — and what they share is a large contact area, controllable force, and nothing sharp or whippy.
The "Curious" band deserves its own look (receiving side):
| Implement | Want | Curious |
|---|---|---|
| Narrow strap | 12% | 30% |
| Single-tail whip | 12% | 28% |
| Holed or studded paddle | 14% | 28% |
| Riding crop | 12% | 26% |
| Rope flogger | 16% | 26% |
| Cane | 18% | 22% |
| Ruler or rod | 20% | 20% |
| Bamboo cane | 20% | 20% |
These all have a negative net, yet curiosity runs one to two and a half times higher than outright want. That is not "nobody wants it." It is "nobody has a reference point." Cane, bamboo and ruler all have accept rates of 68–74%, far friendlier than their negative nets suggest.
6. Where
| Area | Rec. want | Rec. accept | Rec. refuse | Act. often | Act. can provide |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Fullest part of the buttocks | 48% | 86% | 14% | 81% | 91% |
| Face — slapping | 38% | 76% | 24% | 38% | 78% |
| Palms | 32% | 92% | 8% | 56% | 88% |
| Where buttocks meet thighs | 32% | 82% | 18% | 56% | 84% |
| Chest and breasts | 28% | 80% | 20% | 38% | 81% |
| Genitals | 28% | 72% | 28% | 22% | 78% |
| Back of the thighs | 24% | 84% | 16% | 41% | 75% |
| Outer thighs | 22% | 74% | 26% | 31% | 72% |
| Inner thighs | 18% | 76% | 24% | 38% | 78% |
| Back of the calves | 14% | 72% | 28% | 13% | 47% |
| Soles of the feet | 12% | 64% | 36% | 25% | 59% |
| Backs of the hands | 6% | 48% | 52% | 3% | 16% |
| Shoulder blades | 2% | 32% | 68% | 3% | 34% |
The two red lines are the shoulder blades and the backs of the hands. The shoulder blades draw the highest refusal rate on the entire sheet (68%), and yet 8 people (25%) on the active side marked them "Curious." This is the most direct collision between the two sides.
Below the shoulder blades are the spine and the kidneys. This is not something two people can fix by both agreeing to it; it belongs to the category that does not change because anyone wants it to. Treat it as a line that is not up for negotiation.
Palms: 92% accept, only 4 people refuse: the classic "not a request, but almost no resistance." Good as a procedural tool (penalties, counting), not as a place to put intensity.
Face-slapping and genitals are polarised items (want 38% / 28%, refuse 24% / 28%). A net near zero here is not general comfort; it is two opposed groups cancelling out. These have to be confirmed person by person. The average is meaningless.
7. Positions and other kinds of interaction
| Position | Rec. want | Rec. accept | Act. often | Act. can provide |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Lying flat on a bed or table | 58% | 94% | 72% | 88% |
| Over their knee | 58% | 88% | 81% | 88% |
| Face down with the hips propped up | 48% | 98% | 81% | 94% |
| Sitting or straddling their lap | 46% | 88% | 50% | 78% |
| Kneeling, upper body down on the bed | 38% | 86% | 72% | 84% |
| On knees with the hips high | 38% | 84% | 69% | 88% |
| Standing, bent over a table or chair back | 34% | 92% | 50% | 78% |
| Standing, bent over, hands on the wall | 32% | 84% | 56% | 84% |
| Hands tied behind the back | 32% | 82% | 31% | 75% |
| Hands secured above the head | 28% | 72% | 25% | 69% |
| Tied to a table, chair back or bed frame | 26% | 74% | 22% | 56% |
| On your back, knees pressed toward the chest | 26% | 72% | 47% | 78% |
| Secured to a bench or frame | 26% | 66% | 25% | 63% |
| Suspended or partly suspended | 16% | 70% | 13% | 50% |
| Standing facing the wall | 14% | 80% | 38% | 84% |
| Standing, bent forward, hands to the ankles | 10% | 66% | 34% | 81% |
| One foot up on a stool | 10% | 64% | 16% | 63% |
| Holding one position for more than 15 minutes | 10% | 54% | 13% | 59% |
Positions draw the least resistance of any section: the receiving side's top nine are all ≥82% accepted, and the active side can provide the top eleven at ≥78%.
"Holding one position for more than 15 minutes" sits alone at the bottom (net −36). What is being refused is not the posture but the duration. Read it as a general constraint, not as one position among others.
Being held by a body or by rope (hands tied behind the back, +14) is still more accepted than being fixed onto purpose-built equipment (bench or frame, −8).
| Other kinds of interaction | Rec. want | Rec. accept | Act. often | Act. can provide |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Spoken orders and rules | 50% | 96% | 66% | 84% |
| Being told to kneel or hold a pose | 48% | 90% | 47% | 91% |
| Bondage and held positions | 46% | 76% | 34% | 69% |
| Throat holding, done safely | 46% | 76% | 34% | 75% |
| Counting and calling out numbers | 40% | 90% | 72% | 88% |
| Verbal humiliation | 40% | 74% | 50% | 75% |
| Blindfold | 40% | 70% | 41% | 78% |
| Humiliating tasks or poses | 38% | 76% | 53% | 72% |
| Combined with rope | 38% | 74% | 22% | 63% |
| Low-temperature candles | 38% | 72% | 28% | 75% |
| Hair pulling | 32% | 74% | 28% | 75% |
| Trampling | 32% | 66% | 22% | 56% |
| Gag | 30% | 64% | 31% | 75% |
| Ice and cold | 22% | 58% | 16% | 56% |
| Pet play | 16% | 48% | 9% | 44% |
| Role-play | 12% | 40% | 6% | 47% |
Both sides rank these identically: structured interaction at the top, play-acting at the bottom. Read that with section 3 — Disciplinary 60%, Humiliation 56%, but Role-play only 12%: humiliation here rides on rules and forms of address, not on a script.
Venue (active side): private bathroom 72%, room enough for standing positions 69%, good soundproofing 69%, furniture that can be tied to 59%, a dedicated bench or frame 19%, somewhere to suspend from 16%.
8. Bratting, safewords and handing over judgement
This is the section that matters most.
| Do you brat? (receiving side) | Share |
|---|---|
| Physical resistance — squirming, dodging, covering with a hand | 74% |
| I want to be held down or overpowered and have it continue | 68% |
| Verbal — answering back, mocking, refusing to comply | 64% |
| Trying to get away | 56% |
| Stalling, passive resistance | 50% |
| I don't brat | 12% |
88% brat, 74% resist physically, 68% explicitly want to be overpowered and have it continue. After bratting, 42% want it taken up a notch and 28% leave the call to the other person.
| Does an ordinary "stop" or "no" count? (receiving side) | Share |
|---|---|
| It depends — I'd like them to check on me once first | 42% |
| No — the agreed safeword is what counts | 40% |
| Yes — if I say stop, I mean stop | 18% |
| When I ask for more, whose wish governs? | Receiving | What the active side does |
|---|---|---|
| May go a little past it, after checking they're clear-headed | 42% | 75% |
| Leave it to their read of the moment / go with what they ask for | 36% | 6% |
| The ceiling on the sheet wins | 22% | 19% |
Stacked together:
74% resist physically, 68% want to be overpowered and continue, 82% say an ordinary "stop" cannot be taken at face value, 36% hand the escalation call over entirely, and another 42% hand it over conditionally.
This group has deliberately switched off most of the ordinary brakes. The safeword machinery is there: 56% use the traffic-light words, 24% a custom one. But it only works if the other person can correctly tell in-scene resistance from a real request to stop.
On that exact question, only 59% of the active side are confident.
The judgement the receiving side hands over most is the one four in ten tops are not sure of. That is the single most important conclusion from putting the two sheets together.
Also: 26% say gags aren't involved for them, and 42% have agreed a silent signal such as three quick taps. Given that 30% want a gag and 40% want a blindfold, that non-verbal channel is agreed far too rarely.
One internal contradiction worth knowing about
Asked what they do when the other person brats, the active side answers: take it up a notch 53%, change the procedure only 28%, stop and check 13%, depends 6% — nobody chose "I don't do bratting"; everyone has a plan.
But asked what they are unwilling to do, 38% say they don't want to face physical resistance or struggling, and 38% don't want to face crying or strong emotion.
| The active side is unwilling to | The receiving side, in fact | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Face physical resistance or struggling | 38% | Resist physically | 74% |
| Face crying or strong emotional reactions | 38% | Want to be held down and have it continue | 68% |
| Brat in some form | 88% | ||
| Have had an uncontrolled crying or panic reaction | 20% | ||
| Have had a low mood lasting more than a day | 18% |
The two answers don't line up, which suggests many people picture bratting as a verbal thing and don't expect that more than seven in ten will actually resist with their body. If you're on the active side, this is the thing most worth asking about beforehand. If you're on the receiving side, don't assume they know which kind of bratting you mean.
9. Penetration and orgasm control
36 people (72%) on the receiving side entered this section; every percentage here is out of 36. Only 22 people answered the matching section on the active side — direction only.
Kinds of stimulation (receiving side, 36)
| Item | Want | Accept | Refuse |
|---|---|---|---|
| Stroking and kneading the chest | 69% | 92% | 8% |
| External, by hand | 67% | 92% | 8% |
| Fingers, vaginal | 61% | 83% | 17% |
| External, with a toy | 58% | 89% | 11% |
| Nipples, by hand | 58% | 83% | 17% |
| Nipples, by mouth | 50% | 72% | 28% |
| Insertable toys, vaginal | 47% | 78% | 22% |
| Oral contact | 44% | 72% | 28% |
| Nipples, with a toy | 39% | 72% | 28% |
| Insertable toys, anal | 36% | 61% | 39% |
| Fingers, anal | 31% | 50% | 50% |
| Electrical toys | 17% | 53% | 47% |
The dividing line is clean: everything external and vaginal is positive, anal turns negative, electrical is last.
Worn and insertable toys (receiving side, 36)
| Item | Want | Accept | Refuse |
|---|---|---|---|
| Nipple clamps | 44% | 86% | 14% |
| Tail plug | 42% | 81% | 19% |
| Vaginal plugs and toys | 39% | 83% | 17% |
| Internal vibrators, remote included | 36% | 78% | 22% |
| Small butt plug | 25% | 75% | 25% |
| Ginger figging | 22% | 64% | 36% |
| Clitoral and genital clamps | 22% | 58% | 42% |
| Medium or larger butt plug | 17% | 47% | 53% |
| Urethral toys | 3% | 25% | 75% |
Urethral toys are the one near-absolute line: 75% of the receiving side refuse, 95% of the active side won't provide.
The plug ordering is counter-intuitive but stable: the tail plug ranks far above the small one — size is not the only variable.
Orgasm control (receiving side, 36)
| Item | Want | Curious | Accept |
|---|---|---|---|
| Several orgasms in a row | 47% | 28% | 94% |
| They decide whether and when I come | 42% | 11% | 83% |
| Forced orgasm | 39% | 19% | 83% |
| Overstimulation | 39% | 25% | 83% |
| Edging | 36% | 22% | 81% |
| Orgasm denial | 31% | 17% | 75% |
This is the most open section on the whole sheet. All six items are accepted by ≥75%, none negative.
But "forced orgasm" is worth flagging: the definition on the sheet explicitly says "continuing when I may no longer want it or have reached my limit." 83% accept it — and 19% of those have never done it.
Hygiene requirements (receiving side): toys used on me only 94%, single-use covers 64%, disinfected or unwrapped in front of me 56%, medical gloves 39%, I bring my own 28%. The concern is tightly clustered.
Bodily reactions they're okay with: squirting 83%, crying out or losing their voice 72%, loss of bladder control 69%, brief clouding of consciousness 67%, muscle spasms 56%, soiling 11%. Only 3 people accept none of these.
10. Marks, limits and photographs
| How much marking (receiving) | Share | Where marks may be (receiving) | Share | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bruises that fade within days | 58% | Only where everyday clothes fully cover | 72% | |
| Clear bruises, no time limit | 18% | Anywhere | 14% | |
| Redness gone the same day | 14% | Only where long sleeves and trousers cover | 8% | |
| No marks at all | 6% | Nothing outside what a swimsuit covers | 4% |
Loose on degree (76% accept bruising or more), strict on location (72% require everyday clothes to cover it completely). Reading only one of those two lines will put you over a line on the very first choice of where to strike, and it explains why the backs of the hands (52% refuse) are so much more sensitive than the palms (8%).
| Other limits (receiving side) | Distribution |
|---|---|
| Physical contact | No particular limits 62% · Chest yes, private parts no 18% · Neither chest nor private parts 14% |
| Clothing | Adjusted as they ask during it 62% · Partly undressed 20% · Fully undressed 12% |
| Others present | One-to-one only 74% · I bring someone with me 12% · A third person taking part 10% |
| Photographs | On my own device 50% · Photos of the marks 26% · No photographs at all 24% · Authorised each time 18% |
Clothing is the most complete handover of control on the whole sheet, at 62%: this group is far more open about limits than about intensity.
The photograph question isn't asking the same thing on both sides
The receiving side is asked about their own willingness to have photos taken, which semantically defaults to photos of themselves (50% accept photos on their own device). The active side is asked whether they are willing to be photographed (38% say no).
In practice it's hard to guarantee the other person stays out of frame. Comparing the two sheets directly will read as "both fine with photos," which is an artefact. If this matters to you, confirm it separately, off the sheet.
11. Aftercare — the best-matched section
| Item | Receiving needs | Active can provide |
|---|---|---|
| Holding and physical comfort | 84% | 84% |
| Reassurance and talking it through | 82% | 81% |
| Checking in the next day | 50% | 78% |
| Water and something sugary | 44% | 78% |
| Keeping them warm | 30% | 69% |
| Ice and treating the marks | 28% | 69% |
| Space alone | 8% | 56% |
| Nothing in particular / I don't usually provide any | 2% | 3% |
The two highest needs match almost exactly: holding 84% / 84%, talking it through 82% / 81%. This is the best-matched section on the sheet.
It is the flip side of "Plain only 22%": this group doesn't treat spanking as a physical service but as an interaction with a before and an after. Half want a message the next day — the aftercare window outlasts the session.
There is, however, a gap between intention and kit: see the next section.
12. Preparation and protection
What the active side prepares (multiple choice, 32)
| Item | Active side prepares | Against the receiving side's needs |
|---|---|---|
| Phone kept within reach | 81% | |
| Drinking water | 75% | 44% need water or sugar |
| Lubricant | 69% | |
| Antiseptic and wound-cleaning supplies | 66% | 24% have broken skin or bled before |
| Ice pack | 56% | 28% need ice or something to treat marks |
| Sugar water or a sweet drink | 50% | 22% get hypoglycaemic easily |
| Scissors or a safety cutter | 50% | 46% want bondage, 38% want rope |
| A blanket or something warm | 34% | 30% need warmth |
| Disposable gloves | 31% | 39% explicitly require medical gloves in the penetration section |
| I don't usually prepare anything in particular | 0% |
Not one person chose "nothing in particular" — but two gaps stand out:
Only 50% carry scissors or a safety cutter, while 46% of the receiving side want bondage, 38% want rope, and 30% want a gag. This is the most concrete, most easily fixed, most directly consequential item in the whole dataset.
Disposable gloves at 31% are the only protective item where supply falls below an explicit requirement — 39% of the receiving side require medical gloves for the penetration section.
There is also a gap between willingness and kit: 69% can keep someone warm but only 34% actually bring a blanket; 69% can apply ice but only 56% bring an ice pack.
13. Risk signals
| Injury beyond what was expected (receiving side) | Share |
|---|---|
| Bruising much heavier than expected, or lasting over two weeks | 28% |
| Broken skin or bleeding | 24% |
| A haematoma | 14% |
| An injury I had to treat myself | 14% |
| Numbness or tingling lasting days | 4% |
| Nothing beyond what was expected | 38% |
62% have had some injury beyond what they expected. Injuries needing medical attention: 0. Struck in a no-go area: 0. Called stop and wasn't stopped: 0. No serious incidents. But mild-to-moderate "more than expected" is the norm.
On the emotional side: an uncontrolled crying or panic reaction during it 20%, low mood lasting more than a day 18%, strong self-doubt or regret 8%, dizziness, ringing ears or fainting 4%; 62% none.
Read against 84% needing to be held and 82% needing to talk it through: the aftercare clauses aren't thoughtfulness, they're a response to things that have already happened.
Most common health factors: bruises easily 30%, hypoglycaemic easily 22%, sensitive skin that breaks easily 20%, keloid-prone 20%.
Skin problems cluster tightly. The three most accepted implements in section 5 (solid leather paddle, wooden paddle, folded belt) are all broad, blunt impact — that match is a good one. Conversely, the "Curious" band — holed paddle, cane, bamboo — is precisely the class most likely to break skin, and curiosity there runs one to two times higher than want. The direction people most want to explore runs straight into this group's most concentrated health weakness.
The active side's own physical limits: 79% none; lower back or spine 10%; the rest 1–2 people each.
What would make the active side postpone or cancel (29 answered)
| Situation | Share |
|---|---|
| I'm genuinely angry or emotionally worked up | 79% |
| They're clearly not in a good state | 79% |
| I'm badly sleep-deprived or exhausted | 69% |
| I've been drinking | 59% |
| They have unhealed marks | 59% |
| I've taken something that affects judgement or reaction time | 55% |
| The venue isn't suitable | 55% |
| Not enough time for a warm-up and aftercare | 48% |
| None of these would make me postpone | 3% (1 person) |
Drinking at 59% and medication at 55% are conspicuously low.
They are not the same kind of item as the others. Sleep deprivation, anger and an unsuitable venue are matters of degree; alcohol and judgement-affecting drugs damage precisely the recognition abilities in section 2, abilities that already only self-rate at 56–78%.
In a group where four in ten would go ahead after drinking, that 56% confidence about spotting the onset of a pain faint is inflated.
For contrast: only 6% of the receiving side had been drinking when they filled in the sheet.
14. Where the two sides don't line up
Below, the receiving side's "want" rate is set against the active side's "often" rate.
This is just a way of reading the data. It does not say anyone should be doing more of anything. Both sides have limits, and a gap creates no obligation on either.
Wanted by the receiving side, not routine for the active side
| Item | Rec. want | Act. often | Note |
|---|---|---|---|
| Folded belt | 42% | 22% | Joint second tier for the receiving side |
| Combined with rope | 38% | 22% | 74% accept it; 63% of tops could provide it. The largest single gap |
| Throat holding, done safely | 46% | 34% | 76% accept it — and one of the highest-risk items on the sheet |
| Bondage and held positions | 46% | 34% | While only 50% carry scissors |
| Low-temperature candles | 38% | 28% | |
| Trampling | 32% | 22% | |
| Genitals | 28% | 22% | 78% of tops could — so it's "can, but doesn't often" |
Rope, bondage and the 50% scissors rate are three faces of one problem: demand for restraint on the receiving side is steadily high, while the active side neither does it often nor, in half of cases, carries a way to cut someone free.
Read the throat-holding gap carefully. 46% want it and 76% accept it — but it is among the highest-risk items on the sheet. This should not be read as "do more of it," but as "demand is already high, so the risks need spelling out beforehand."
Routine for the active side, not sought by the receiving side
| Item | Act. often | Rec. want | Rec. accept |
|---|---|---|---|
| Face down with the hips propped up | 81% | 48% | 98% |
| Counting and calling out numbers | 72% | 40% | 90% |
| Ruler or rod | 50% | 20% | 70% |
| Standing facing the wall | 38% | 14% | 80% |
| Cane | 38% | 18% | 74% |
| Inner thighs | 38% | 18% | 76% |
| Standing, bent forward, hands to the ankles | 34% | 10% | 66% |
| Soles of the feet | 25% | 12% | 64% (36% refuse) |
Most of this "oversupply" is harmless: acceptance is high, it just isn't what anyone asks for.
The soles of the feet are the only combination of "routine for tops, often refused by bottoms" and are worth confirming explicitly. Ruler and rod is also a clear mismatch (50% vs 20%), but with 70% acceptance and 20% curiosity it's a mismatch, not a conflict — worth one question rather than being used by default.
Both sides curious, neither side experienced
| Item | Receiving side | Active side |
|---|---|---|
| Electrical toys | want 17%, curious 22% | often 9%, curious 27% |
| Narrow strap | want 12%, curious 30% | often 9%, curious 16% |
| Ginger figging | want 22%, curious 28% | often 23%, curious 18% |
| Clitoral and genital clamps | want 22%, curious 19% | often 23%, curious 18% |
Electrical is the clearest case: almost nobody on either side does it, yet curiosity on both sides is the highest in this group. Something neither person has done and both want to try is the easiest way to get hurt without preparation.
Refused by both
| Item | Receiving refuse | Active won't provide |
|---|---|---|
| Urethral toys | 75% | 95% |
| Improvised objects to hand | 68% | 75% |
| Backs of the hands | 52% | 84% |
15. How open people are overall
For each sheet, the share of items across all four-level questions marked as anything other than No / Won't do:
| Openness band | Receiving side | Active side |
|---|---|---|
| 0–19% | 2 | 3 |
| 20–39% | 2 | 1 |
| 40–59% | 8 | 4 |
| 60–79% | 14 | 10 |
| 80–100% | 24 | 14 |
Median 79% on the receiving side, 77% on the active side. The two overlap almost exactly.
The distribution is clearly right-skewed: three quarters of people are open to more than six items in ten.
Which is the thing most worth understanding about this sheet: its value is not in mapping out what you can do, but in locating precisely the few things you can't. Your "No" column matters far more than your "Want" column.
16. If you only remember six things
1. Scissors. Half the active side has no way to cut someone free, while 46% of the receiving side want bondage, 38% want rope and 30% want a gag. Cheap, high-value, most directly consequential. Same story for disposable gloves (31% carry them; 39% require them).
2. Wanting it to hurt is not wanting hurt to be the point. 56% are after the pain itself, but only 30% want Heavy, 84% rate their tolerance medium or below, and 54% require a thorough warm-up. Intensity is the last thing to gamble on.
3. Ask which kind of bratting. 88% of the receiving side brat, 74% resist physically, 68% want to be overpowered and continue, while on the active side nobody says they avoid bratting, yet 38% say they don't want to face physical resistance. Many people picture bratting as purely verbal.
4. Reading a person is the weak side across the board. The active side is only around half confident on emotional loss of control vs. a genuine stop (59%), dissociation (56%) and the onset of a pain faint (56%), while 82% of the receiving side say an ordinary "stop" can't be taken at face value. This is the most important thing here, and the ten minutes beforehand are the cheapest place to fix it.
5. Alcohol and drugs are not a "weigh it up" item. Only 59% of the active side would cancel after drinking, 55% after taking something that affects judgement. These damage the very faculty the whole safety apparatus runs on. Not the same order of thing as an unsuitable venue.
6. The shoulder blades. 68% of the receiving side refuse them, the highest on the sheet, while 8 people on the active side marked them "Curious." Underneath are the spine and the kidneys — not something two people can fix by both agreeing to it.
About this report
On the sample. These are 83 voluntarily submitted sheets. The group skews young and arrived largely through one channel; it does not represent any wider population, and none of it is medical or safety advice. Sections have different numbers of respondents, noted throughout.
On privacy. Nothing here comes from an individual sheet. No nicknames, no WeChat names, none of the free-text answers, and no cross-question combinations at the individual level — even age is reported in bands, because in a few dozen sheets "32 years old" usually points at one person. Free-text questions are excluded from the statistics entirely.
Your own record is still readable only by you and by the person who runs the site: no account, no phone number, no email and no device information recorded. The IP address you submit from is stored encrypted under the same key as your answers. If you want your sheet deleted, get in touch with the WeChat name you entered.
Using the sheet
Within Measure · https://consent-sheet.com
Two people each fill in a boundary sheet before they start, then swap: what you can accept, what you can't, and when things have to stop. You end up with an image you can send straight to the other person. About 13 minutes for the receiving side's sheet, about 10 for the active side's.
Fill them in separately, never together — people drift toward the answer the other person wants without noticing, and a sheet filled in that way is false, worse than none at all. Anything either of you marked No is off, full stop. No reason required, and no persuading.
Fill it in again when things change: a new injury, new medication, a different state of mind — this is not a one-off. Your recovery code lets you edit a few items rather than redo the whole thing.
It isn't a contract, it isn't a score, and it isn't a promise. You can mark something "Want" today and still call a stop on the day. Don't fill yourself in as more accepting than you are. The entire value of this sheet is that it's true.